The duck that solves crimes

From The Everywhere Girl Diaries – a work of fiction

First week of November, year one

Dear Diary,

Mr. Mallard called me yesterday and asked if I had a passport.

Me:  Yes, I had to get one when my family went to Canada. Why?

Him:  In case you need it.

Me:  Mr. Mallard, what exactly is it that you do?

Him: (laughing) You mean you really don’t know?

Me.  (not laughing) No, I really don’t.

Him: We’re private eyes.

Wow.  I’m a private eye. His use of the word we’re was not lost on me.

He went on to explain that until recently he’d been working as a garden designer – everything from stone terraces to rose arbors to theme gardens.  He’d once done an alphabet garden with all 26 letters, flowers from Asters to Zinnias. He had had an established list of clients and was making good money, but one day he decided that he wanted to make a change. The bills that I had sent out when I first started working for him were to the last of his landscaping clients.

Me:  So what made you decide to become a PI?

Him:  eBay.

Me:  eBay?

Him: Yes. I was looking for a gift for my philatelic friend and came across a lot of Dick Tracy stamps. I thought it was a sign.

Me:  You completely changed professions because of a bunch of stamps?

Him:  Well that, and I have a degree in criminal law.

Me: Do you ever get teased about Miss Mallard?

Him:  Miss Mallard?

Me:  The duck.

Him:  The duck?

Me: You know, the Miss Mallard Mysteries.  They’re about a duck that solves crimes.

Him: There is a duck named Miss Mallard that solves crimes?

Me:  You really didn’t know that?

Him: No, I really didn’t.

Me:  Well there is.  She’s quite famous.

Him: I need a drink.

And, he was gone.